Just some stuff

So, the other day I kinda got really frustrated with my husband. He is really stressed out at his job and he needs to work somewhere else. It's been robbed a couple times since December, and he was only at the most recent one. Also, I just think he's not happy about a lot of things money related. We can afford all the bills, I just wish we could get past caught up I want to pay extra. So I guess I gotta keep doing overtime on the weekends at work. It's weird. I really do want to be involved in our finances and figure out how to pay more; but I also have a lot of dental work coming up, so we keep ending up pushing other things we want to buy further and further away. We both need new cell phones and I need new work clothes and we are traveling twice this year and need money for those things too. We didn't get any tax return this year because apparently we made too much money and didn't pay enough into taxes. Wellllll, I think that's totally bullshit. I only made 10 an hour at the job I was at last year. But he does almost make $20 an hour, like his pay is &19.50/hr. I honestly think he deserves a raise. But whatever. 

I don't know why I want to have a child right now. I wish I could be debt free before I have a baby. I still need to redo our floors, get a fence put in so i can just let lucky out. I want a baby but I feel like I am not ready as far as finances and things I need to do around the house before I feel like I could live here with a baby.

So, I got frustrated because he is putting off signing up for health insurance at work. I think he only has until Friday and I've only asked like 3-4 times about when he was going to do it because I thought it was a good idea for him to add me to his vision and dental so I have double coverage with them. I especially need that for my dental work. For just the upper right of my mouth I have to have 4 cavities filled and 1 crown put on. All of that is going to cost me $785. I feel like if I have his insurance covering some I may not have to pay as much out of pocket. He told me to quit nagging him about it. But he is not himself at this job. It's changing him. It is making him more impatient than me, part of that I think is due to him having an opposite schedule to me. We only get to spend a lot of time together on the weekends. He is at work when I'm asleep. I get to see him a couple hours at night most nights. I got so frustrated at him the other day that when I got off the phone with him (I actually hung up on him I didn't want to yell at my desk) I sat at my desk and my unbelievable anger at him just boiled over and I cried silently for about 20 minutes. I just kept trying to ignore it and do my work but the tears just kept coming. I was so angry. Why was he blowing off getting insurance? He needs to go to the doctor and just get some kind of physical. Just make sure that he is good internally. I have to do that too for my insurance. I hadn't cried in over a month since I started taking my medicine. I called my psychiatrists office and changed my appointment and I left at lunch. 

I told him what was going on and he increased my Lexapro to 10 mg. It seems to be working so far, even with my on my period. Which was a week late. Which brings me to my next topic.

My period was a week late because I stopped working out 2 months ago to get my head straight. I needed a break from working out because it just was too overwhelming with the severe depression. My treatment keeps changing and situations change that either make me stressed or just more stressed, so I really need to get back into the gym. I miss working out, I was doing so good at it too. I think I can solve some problems, minor but it would help. If I go back to working out, I can go just during the week. Then when I get home make dinner and wake Brian up and he can get more of a full night of sleep. Then on the weekend, go to work for 4 hours on Saturday and let him sleep until I get home and then spend our weekend together. Then I would be working out and letting Brian get his full sleep and improve myself. Maybe I can push out some of my dental work so I can still take my art classes this summer. Tough decisions.

I need to be tough mentally. Brian said something to me earlier that made me think he was on to something. He said when I am depressed, I get really soft on myself even though I shouldn't just fall apart and let myself get away with so much. I should be pushing myself to get back into the gym even if I would rather just sit and stare at my TV all day and not do anything else. That isn't improving myself. We can all stand for some self improvement, even if we take it slow.

That's why I am taking art classes. I need to meet people, and get new hobbies. If it's something I end up being good at and inexpensive, I can sell my art to pay off bills and save money.

Summer Art Class

So, I decided today that I am going to take an art class over the summer. I am taking several that I mentioned before (I mentioned them, didn't I?) and I will still be taking those. I wanted to see if I could get back into photography, so I found out that Vanderbilt University offers 10-12 week long classes so I am going to take the Experimental Photography class at the Sarratt Art Studio. I will miss one week of it for Val's wedding, but I think that should be ok. I have a brownie, but I think I want to find another vintage 35mm camera to use. I would like to alternate between the two.

Here is a description of the class:

This class will focus on experimental cameras and printing techniques, while introducing students to the basics of taking a picture, processing film, and using the darkroom to make prints.  Students are encouraged to search their attics for vintage cameras and equipment they may already have.  Holgas, Dianas, and modern alternative cameras will also work.  Don’t have a camera?  Don’t fret.  We’ll spend the first night discussing your options and there will be a limited number of cameras to loan or buy.  We will also explore techniques that will allow you to take an image without even using a camera, like photograms, cyanotype, and pinhole.  No experience required, just curiosity!  A $30.00 lab fee covers the cost of your first pack of darkroom paper and use of the chemistry and facilities. Film and additional paper will be available for purchase in the studio. Class size is limited to 10 students.

Sign up starts on April 20. I hope I am able to get in. I want to do it so bad.

Art interests

I've been thinking about my interests lately. I miss loving photography, I miss that it was my whole life at one point. Don't get me wrong, I miss doing it, but I think I miss doing it more for myself. I don't know why I wanted to do anything more than a hobby with it. I don't like photographing people. I love photographing nature and wildlife and products.

I want to learn how to paint. With that, I would love to do abstracts and birds and nature landscapes. I really want to do watercolor and oil and acrylics.

I do want to learn also how to do clay sculpturing, encaustic painting (painting with hot wax), floral paper art, I want to do glass work and so much other stuff. I wish I went to a different art school so I could have taken varied art classes.

I want to get back into woodworking. That is an expensive task. There is only one place that I have found so far in the Middle Tennessee area that I can take classes at to get back into it and it's in freaking Franklin.

There are art classes offered at Vanderbilt that I would like to take.

I need to make more money, I really, really, really, really want to just do art for me. If I can sell some pieces on Etsy to make some money, I will. I will save up that money for my future baby.